It's never too late to start afresh. This past month, I've been researching and working on a system to better organize and schedule our household in order to become more efficient, productive, and honoring to the Lord in how we use our time. This all came about as the Lord convicted me concerning the things I do and do not give my time to, my underlying priorities and lack thereof, and also some recurring sin issues in my life. Although it's been really tough to see myself as I really am, stripped down to the core, sin and all, I rejoice in the fact that God is doing a changing and sanctifying work in my life. As I've struggled under the weight of all that I lack, I can take comfort and joy in the fact that in my weaknesses, Christ is strong. What a wonderful, refreshing reality!
This blog is intended to be a place where I can "journal" about the changes I (I say "I" and "me," but Oliver is alongside me in all of this, so "we" is also appropriate) am seeing the Lord helping me to make, ways in which I am seeking to be obedient to change, and methods that I am utilizing to help institute true and lasting change in the ways in which I go about my life. Mainly, this blog will focus on my journey in trying to become more honoring to the Lord in my role as a stay-at-home mom and all that encompasses, being a wife, mother, homemaker, etc.
Over the course of the past month, a lot of reading, scouring the internet, gathering of resources, organizational work, and schedule planning has taken place, along with very gradual changes to turn in the right direction. Today was "Day 1" in making a serious attempt to put all that I've learned into practice. As I have time, I will share what these findings have been, along with the changes we are trying to make.
I don't think any mother (or father, for that matter) at any stage that believes they "have it all down pat." Becoming a mother is overwhelming, to say the least; however, in my experience at least, the real struggle comes with the frequent, shocking realization (which it really is, even though we saw it coming) that time goes on and we are still and will be for the next 20 years responsible for the gift we have been given in a child. It seems like one minute, you are bringing your new baby home, and the next minute 14 months have slipped away from you, quite without your permission, and you still don't feel as though you've gotten your proverbial ducks back in a row since your child's birth! And the pressure is on, folks, because this new, little being is dependent on you to lead them not only in how to eat with a spoon, share, and the like, but also in a spiritual sense. You are their primary example of what it looks like to be a follower of Christ, a child of God. Wow. That is the most humbling and terrifying thought. Certainly, we parents will not be perfect until the glorious day that we see the Lord face-to-face, but that does not mean that we do not need to earnestly, diligently, intentionally seek to be as obedient as possible to the One to whom we owe everything.
For me, this is a season of learning how to truly submit all my ways to the Lord and be obedient even in the smallest of things. The bulk of life is spent on the mundane, tedious, little tasks, the day-to-day issues, the "insignificant" details, but these, like larger "callings" and duties, are the things we are entrusted with by God. They also should be treated with diligence and intentionality, not letting them "slip away" from us. For if I am unable to be obedient to the Lord in these day-to-day things, how am I to be obedient in the grander plans God has for me? Of course, He is the one who empowers us to do all good things that are pleasing to Him, and it is invaluable to keep this in mind. The working of God through us should not, however, give us even the slightest reason to throw our hands up and do nothing out of our own volition. From from it! The reality of the Spirit moving in and through us should spur us on to act accordingly.
So, this is the place I've been camping out for a month or so. It's been so, so good for me, even though it has been painful and heart-wrenching at times to see the ways in which I've been disobedient. The grace of God is not something I should be abusing by continuing in the bad habits I have formed over the years. I am just so, so thankful that He is gracious and forgives his fumbling child. He is too good to us.